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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?